Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
