Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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