So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
my liver is dry heaving
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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