my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
