remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Two words: nipple clamps
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