There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
