What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
