I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
