I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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