saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
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