i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
