My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
