did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
