its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize