just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
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