My pussy is not your playground.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
