Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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