It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
