so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize