the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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