At least make sure they are 18
Why
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
