Someone shit on the floor
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
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