there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
