Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
