i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
