my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
