is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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