Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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