I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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