I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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