DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
