why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
