This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
