Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
