made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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