so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
