Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
