This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
