I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Small penises have feelings too.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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