He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Pants are for mortals
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
