Your dad touched me again.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
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