I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Randomize
