69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
