Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I FOUND THE LEGS
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize