A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Found your dick twin last night
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
