I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
