my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
