I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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