Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
