p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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