he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
