Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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