Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
