I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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