yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
