Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
