If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
