Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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