I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
