So drunk its hurt
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
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He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
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I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
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