I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize