ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
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