I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
You work out of a Hotel?
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Randomize
