You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
