Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
