Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
