I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
she smelled like a LAN party
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Randomize
