Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Randomize
