cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
