wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
