Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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