My liver just broke up with me...
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
