my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
