I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
