Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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