I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
