look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
