he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
be right there i have to get my cape
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
