I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
