You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
