She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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